Taylor Chapel to host “MarriageCare” retreat

  • Published
  • By Chaplain Samuel "Mac" McClellan
  • 17th Training Wing Chapel
GOODFELLOW AIR FORCE BASE, Texas --  The Taylor Chapel team is preparing to present the fourth "MarriageCare" retreat for Team Goodfellow.

This retreat will be held Aug. 10-12 at the Flying L Ranch, Bandera, Texas. The registration fee is $20 per couple (non-refundable), and childcare is provided for kids 3-12 at the ranch.

Children must be potty trained. You may bring your own caregiver, such as your teenager or relative; however, they will not be able to attend the sessions. Priority for registration for this retreat will be for those preparing to deploy or recently returned from deployment. However, all interested couples (regardless of deployment status) should come by the chapel to register soon, as space is limited.

We have been blessed to serve Team Goodfellow with these retreats. Our August event is the third of three planned for this fiscal year. We track marital satisfaction for the couples that attend, and surveys of the 54 couples who have come indicate more than a 20 percent increase in marital satisfaction as a result of attending.

For many couples, talking through issues like forgiveness, communication, expressing and receiving love was the most beneficial aspect. Some of the couples indicated that they had never talked about these topics before.

Statistically speaking divorce costs the Air Force around $10,000 per couple stateside and about $20,000 overseas. The divorce rate among Airmen today is almost 64 percent higher than in 2001, and is the highest in the military, according to a recent Defense Department report. (Air Force Times, Dec. 2011).
 
For us, as chapel staff, the emotional toll that divorce takes on a family is something we want to deter at all costs. We know that no couple plans on divorcing on their honeymoon, but sadly, the inevitable stress of deployments, financial demise, and parenting all contribute greatly to broken homes. For those of you who feel there is no way out, we invite you to take this weekend to get to know each other again. For the couples who feel like your marriage couldn't get any better, we challenge you to strengthen your bond and prepare for the times when storms may come your way.

After presenting three of these retreats, we share the following keys to marital health from the couples that have attended.

1.) Married couples need "couple time" - time focused on one another, building bridges of communication and trust. Unfortunately, many couples do not have the time in an already packed schedule. Between the demands of children, work and extracurricular activities, couples today are stressed to the maximum. When couples are being stretched and discretionary time is limited, often couple time is the first thing that is compromised.

At the retreat, we intentionally build this time into our schedule. Child care is provided for couples who bring children, and couples are encouraged to take a few hours of one-on-one time with their spouse, talking through the topics discussed in the sessions. We also strongly encourage couples to build "couple time" into their schedules once they return home, making it a priority. We also teach them creative ways to build it in even with a packed schedule.

2.) Couples tell us that they know that conflict in marriage is a given. No married couple can say they do not argue, if they are being realistic. We want to guide couples on how to practice healthy conflict resolution skills, so that they can work through issues rather than letting them linger. Unresolved conflict leads to wedges between the husband and wife that can lead to greater chasms, if not addressed effectively.

"MarriageCare" provides opportunities for couples to learn and begin practicing skills to more effectively resolve conflict. We talk through the skills, and then invite couples to work through an issue or two using the skills they are taught. This is done through one-on-one interaction between husband and wife, and not in a group setting. The goal is for couples to learn how to practice healthy conflict resolution with each other, not to disclose their shortcomings to a room full of couples.

3.) We are often asked what kind of couple should attend the retreat. Should it be marriages in trouble? Should it be couples with a great marriage? Should it be for newlyweds or those who have been married for decades? The answer we give is that marriages across the spectrum of health need a weekend like "MarriageCare."

We believe that all couples must continually make investments in their marital health. We have had couples that were "in crisis" attend. We have had couples making a significant lifestyle change ("empty nest") that understood a retreat would help them refocus and renew their relationships.

On one hand, we have had couples who were married the week before the retreat who used it to build a solid foundation for a lifetime together. On the other hand, my wife and I have been married over 12 years, and these retreats are as much for us as for the participants. No matter how long you have been married, preventive maintenance can only help you in this journey for years to come.

If you have not been on a "MarriageCare" retreat yet, I encourage you to register soon for this one. You will be making an investment in your marriage that will pay dividends for the rest of your life! Registration ends  Aug 3.