In light of suicide awareness and prevention

  • Published
  • By Anonymous
GOODFELLOW AIR FORCE BASE, Texas-- --  Dear Airman-X,

Where did it all go wrong? When did you hit that low point and decide life was no longer worth fighting for? When did you stop trying? And why did you hide it?

You broke my heart today. I don't even really know you, and I cried. I guess the reason I am hurting so much is because I have been there before. I have been at that point; the bottom of the pit, the lowest of the low--when you don't think things could ever possibly get worse, then they do.

I used to scream at the God I did not believe in. I would howl, rant, sob, cry until I no longer had a voice or tears left. I would shake uncontrollably as snot ran down my face. I was miserable, scared out of my mind, and utterly alone. I no longer could control my body, as I had nightly nightmares and my body would periodically just shut down. And no one ever knew.

But my story turned a different direction. I completely broke down one day and admitted that I needed professional help. It's been a long two and a half year journey, but with guidance from my counselor, love from my family, support from my friends and my new-found faith, I was pulled out of the pit and finally saved from myself and circumstances.
I wish I had known you, been your friend. Maybe I could have been that one person for you to believe in, to trust, hold your hand, to just simply understand. I feel guilty and somewhat responsible. Why didn't you have that one single person or influence in your life? Someone with a little intuition who knew that you were just not "okay"?

I'm praying for you. I'm praying that God has other plans for you, and you make it out okay. I am praying your friends and family learn to heal, and they do not blame you or themselves in some way.

Although we yearn for it, there will never be understanding; even with you, who had the least understanding among all of us. I just hope you realize that there are people who love and care for you, who are willing to pull you out of the darkness and back into the light.

Now is your chance. Please continue fighting... We will be here to take your hand and guide you along the way in the right direction. We are in this together. We are all family. If you need help, reach out to someone, a friend, a first sergeant,  a chaplain or  your supervisor- we are all  willing to listen and help at any time. The Veteran's Crisis Line is also available 24 hours a day at (800) 273- TALK (8255).

Love,

Your fellow Airman